I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
