Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am one with the molecules
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
