fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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