So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My cat gives me a boner
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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