You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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