My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
