Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
