I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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