sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
