i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
two words...techno handjob
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
