oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
