im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
