seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
