my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
