if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
