Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
