just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
