i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
