you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
