I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
