On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
