Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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