i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
