I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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