if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
