Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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