I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
