It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
