I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
