if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
