rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
