If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
