If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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