My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
