about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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