I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
why is half of my head shaved?
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