Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
