yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
