I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
