is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
