So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
