The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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