you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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