im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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