College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
