There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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