I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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