Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
