I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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