3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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