I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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