Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
