He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
